A Letter to Heaven

I miss you so much and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I wonder what you'd say to me if you were here right now. Would you be proud of how everyone is handling things? I'd like to think so, well mostly. Grandma is amazingly strong and I have no idea what anyone would do without her. I know that you probably miss her wherever you are and I know she misses you too. Mom and dad are taking great care of her and I know you would be so proud of them. Dad has really changed during this whole process, I know that we both know that he was great before but when you got sick it changed him a lot. He is so diligent in taking care of grandma, I think that it would make you laugh. He dotes on her a lot and is always cleaning up after her. It's kind of funny sometimes but it just shows how much he cares. If you were here, you would think grandma is so spoiled. Mom makes her dinner every night and they watch tv together and talk a lot. Wheel of fortune and jeopardy are nightly shows and I think you would be impressed on how good we are getting at it. I try to go over whenever I can but sometimes it is still weird for me to go to your house and not see you there. Oh and then there is the chickens, well there isn't chickens yet
but there are going to be. Those are grandmas idea. Its okay though because we all kind of think it will be something fun and give us something to do when it gets nicer outside. If you were here I think you'd be against the chickens but then grandma would talk you into it and you'd say "ok hun" just like you always would.
As for me, I'm okay, but you should know that by now. I talk to you a lot, just like this. I'd like to think that you can hear me even if you can't talk back. I still think that it is so unfair that you had to be taken away from us, from me. I really looked up to you and now I miss your words of wisdom. I like to think that you'd be proud of me. I have, mostly, held myself together for this whole process. Nick has been a great support for me this whole time and I remember what you said about him in the beginning. You said "does he treat you good? Well then thats all that matters and its no one else's concern". He is still treating me good and is held to a high standard. You and grandma really showed us all what love is and although I'm sure you had problems now and then but who doesn't. You two are what I base every relationship decision on. I want what you had. I loved that no matter how old you got or where you were, you would hold her hand. I think she loved it too.
I do better each day but I know I can't or won't ever forget you. I can still hear your voice in my head asking how della is or how my car is doing. I hope that never goes away but I know it won't. You played such a role in making me who I am that you will stay with me, wherever I go.